on Sabira's diary??

Thursday, July 31, 2008

** Issues on my mind **

7:39 AM

Family

felt bad that i didnt attend dadi's funeral.

i wish that i could get closer to Dad.

I hate that stupid girl's attitude.

I hate that stupid guy's attitude.

Only one is fine right now.

School

i don't absorb anything i learn.

i'll take it in for sometime,and forget it soon after.

in other words,

i can't even be bothered with the grades.

Friends

some confused me,

some,i confused them.

you know me,

i don't really share my probs.

this is the only place where i'll vomit evrything out.

not that i'm selfish or what,

but i prefer to be analytical all by myself.

Boyfriend

it's pretty calm right now.

i got his point.

i'm no more special.

my can't be bothered feelings are always haunting.

but the guilt will hit me soon after.

not that i'm unwilling to wait.

but it's a question of what the hell am i waiting for.

if the purpose is not there,

then i'll treat you as how you're treating me.

damn these stuffs won't bring me down.

i'll still be me.

my smile will still be there.

no worries.

i'll be well.

hope so.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

** WE LOSE AS WINNERS **

2:31 PM

GRRRRRR!!!!

Im soooooo irritated with the connection.

i think uploading pictures in school will be better man.

aniways.

just managed to upload today's batch.

we were playing.

the rojaks played rough.

and a fight nearly broke out.

well,we lose,

but as winners.

cos they won thanks to their cheats and proudness.

bloody hell.

Year 1 idiots,act like they're somekind of big shots in school.

winning 6-3 is nothing with your cheats man.

a freaking waste of time.

unless you thrashed us,

then i think that you're the best cheaters in the world.

it was tough playing with cheaters who apparently claimed us the cheats.

i nearly caught the ball when the guy from the opponent's team grabbed it.

he lost his balance,

stepped out of the white line,

and when the umpire whistled at him,

he said i pushed him.

WTF!!

i looked at him and say,

WATEVER.

i can be mean if you want to.

Weak asshole.

dont know what's fairplay is it?

darah up man.

my dinner at TRCC

thanks Malio for supporting us all the way=)

de gals.

plus Jingkai.

damn im tired.
and am gonna fast tmr.

gdnite.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

** A good and a bad news **

2:06 PM

The good news is,

my class got into the semi-finals

for the SUI's captain's ball competition.

And the bad news is,

Dadi Nipah has just passed away.

Innalillah:(

God,do keep her close to you.

No wonder my eyes were twitching.

Rest in peace dadi.

Monday, July 28, 2008

** Missing something in life **

11:08 AM

Im in pain.

haha.

this was the bruise when he drawer fell on my left thigh.

yeah it's that bad and painful.

so no way am i gonna wear shorts for captain's ball tmr.

i'm scared that it will erupt.

hehe.

on a much lighter note,

today marked our 15th month together.

although it's not a happening one,

with no meeting,

with no loving words from him,

i think i'll just have to stay strong.

Happy lovely day sweety='(

damn it feels like you're gone forever,

somewhere.

i wonder if i will ever forget how he look like.
counting now,missing him for 1 month already....

Sunday, July 27, 2008

** Quiz from Mali-O **

2:59 PM

1.Sabina

2.Jansher

3.Munirah

4.Nazia

5.Reza

6.Sabrina

7.Mary

8.Ayu

9.Shaqirah

10.Faizul

11.Kunal

12.Domnic

13.Saiful

how did you meet 10? = in secondary school,from casual friends to bestfriends:)
what would you do if you'd never meet 2? = nothing.perhaps a feeling a lil rejoiced cos i have one less irritating person in my life:P
what would you do if 6 and 10 dated? = shocking!my cousin and bestfriend are dating??WOHHHOOOOO!!!
have you ever seen 4 cry? = YES.
do u think 10 is cute? = quite cute i can say.ok shut up sabi.
how did you get to know 8? = in year 2,my good old pal.hahaha.the idiot who kept on giving me nicknames.
would you go on a date with 12? = haha.NO!!!i swear i'll never date him man,cos he's just the nicest friend i ever had and i don't wanna spoil this great friendship.
what's 7 favourite colour? = RED!haha i know cos of the day at the bubble-tea shop.(i was forced to remember her favourite colour:P)haha
what would you if 6 confess his/her love for you? = i'll freak out man!!
fact about 9. = she's my cousin?hehe.easy one.
who is 4 going out with? = some guy from afar.
who's no. 5 to you? = he's my memories,my past,my present,my lovely guy=)
would you ever live with 13? = WHAT??? ME AND SAIFUL?? LIVING TOGETHER?? haha. we won't even last for an hour man. One will die from overbursting of capillaries while the other will die from massive hair and head damage.
is 1 single? = NO. and hardly single.haha
where does 7 live? = no idea man.(she's gonna kill me man)
what do you think aBT 3? = she's one of my loveliest friend,the one that i'll cherish always.
what;s the best thing abt no. 8? = she's unpredictable.really.
what do u like abt 11? = he's a changed guy now. and i love him this way.
favourite memory with 2? = when he drove like crazy,nearly hitting a traffic junction.CRAZY ASS!

** DAMN MY BAD THOUGHTS**

3:50 AM

i know this week had been a bad one.

from the temper to the emotional shit,

and i guess i was being unreasonable.

See Reza-reza,

all i need is to know what you're going through right now.

We didn't get to chat much,

and how i can i ever understand you if you're mum.

I'm sorry for all the bad things swelling up in my head about you.

Nira's help definitely made me feel remorseful.

Now i finally get to feel you,

what you're going through right now.

I won't disturb you.

Concentrate on whatever you want,

i'll still be here no matter what.

"Peace out honeybuns"

Saturday, July 26, 2008

** All back to crying **

1:09 PM

When is this gonna end?

All i wanted is a short,decent chat.

And i can't even get that.

You've hurt me,again.

What's new?

Friday, July 25, 2008

** A night out with them **

7:12 AM

Bascially here are the pictas from yesterday's dinner.

The bill accumulated to $108 shocked us to death!

hahahhaa.
thanks for the small reunion=)

** It's ALL YOURS! **

6:09 AM

Perhaps i know why i'm sick.

Sometimes when i really miss a person,

i'll get sick.

I know he's losing it again.

It's pretty obvious huh.

When he'll start giving me fake hopes like he always did.

Acting like there's nothing wrong.

I'm gonna be honest.

IT IS NOT MY FAULT.

My heart strongly feels that.

Maybe others were right!

You are selfish!

You made it happen,

and now i'm the one trying to strenghten the string here.

If you'd been thinking it over,

you wouldn't leave me feeling like this all the time.

If meeting up is a problem for you,

try other measures lah,

rather than losing it all and making me feel like shit!

Shit i'm really angry with the fact that i tried to be

caring when you're sick.

But do you even care about me when i'm falling sick?

All these while,i've been letting 2 streams of tears flow out

before shutting my eyes to sleep because i'm missing you like

crazy,

and all i get from you is silence.

The thought of letting it go is just terrifying.

People will say,

think again,

wy did you even hold on to it in the first place?

There must be a specific reason to it right?

And damn only i know the reason why.

Cos i love you.

And i still do.

Indirectly,

i'm still waiting,

cos moving on will kill me more.

Perhaps this might be the cause of my short life?

Only God knows.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

** HAPPY BDAE SAIFUL **

9:32 AM

He made me teary with his post.
Now i have no doubt that a birthday post can be sooo saddening.
This cheery guy fren of mine,
i didn't know how he feels all these while regarding a day
which everyone should be looking forward to every year.
Actually,i did realise that something was wrong yesterday.
When you suddenly kept quiet and you were
Definitely deep in thoughts.
Whatever it is,
Just be happy alrights.

Just for you and just for today,

i'll make you happy by posting this out.

The thing which has been produced by your own sweat.

And have at least stayed as my wallpaper for 1 and a half day,

cos it's your bdae my friend=)

Remember...
you're on my list!

HHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAIFUL ASLAM!!!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

** Temper UP???! **

2:36 PM

HAPPY BDAE BESTFREN!!!

Seriously.

This guy is suppppperrrr HOT!!!

haha ok not.

he disgust me.

sorry boy.

should i quit this game??

but still,it's tooo ADDICTIVE!!!

my current high score,

see below.

checking my school email,

i tumbled upon this short and cute one.

from Dr.Leng.
talking about the HELICOPTER GAME.

hahahahaha!

I know my temper was bad during class.
im sorry guys.

But i was happy soon after.....
BECAUSEE......i saw President Nathan!

And yes,trying to celebrate Aslam's bdae.
as usual,i kena bully! :(

Mali was there too.
and damn i love the way she socialize with my friends.
cheers MALIO!

Jona is still as cute ;P

WHERE'S DOMMY??!!

i don't know what's so funny about my mouth here.

but they just couldn't stop laughing.

see i merajok already.
haha!
thanks Mali for helping us take our pics.
guess it's a tiring day.
im still as confused.

Thanks Sparrow for the advice.

Muni,stay strong!

and the rest,have a great sleep!

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

** Happy Sad Angry Happy **

12:21 PM

Remember i wasn't in the mood yesterday?

But later at night,when my 2nd bro came home with lotsa food,

especially colourful donuts!,

i terribly can't resist it.

oh man look at that.

how colourful.

it reminds me of Reza.
271207.
Vivo City.

Spot Jansher there!

right at the front.

haha.

If you can't see,i'm truly sorry.
I’m just terribly angry with the faci.
Wrote so much stuff, but in the end, I don’t even know what he wants.
STUPID!
Guess he deserves all the swearing.
Perhaps I was just blabbering.
But yeah, I AM ANGRY WITH HIM! Class was fun.
Especially when SRK & AK acted for us. hahaha.
Ayu got the whole video i think. The meow meowsssss...

I walked home today.

Hoping to lose more weight again.

I was perspiring like hell,so i reward myself with a bubble tea.

I'm abit surprised by the fact that i'm not even hungry,

when i only had 12 piece of sausages in the morning.

Ok wait,said too fast.

Tummy's grumbling now.

haha.

Aniways,i saw DOM today.

OMG,i missed him like crazy!

And we didnt even talk,just a simple smile.

As though we're not close =(

To Saiful,Mary,Sybee,whoever who's concerned,

thanks sooo much for your concern.

I think it's just the rain lah.

Made me sad.

Oh yea.

And Simon thinks that i look like Morticia.

Shit.

dejavu siah.

Monday, July 21, 2008

** Do i really deserve this?? **

10:12 AM

I've been waiting all these while.

Waiting for my hopes to come through.

Waiting for the moment you'll say,

"yes,i'm still in love with you."

Perhaps it will never come true.

I'm just like a dirty sculpture stranded

in front of your eyes.

Nothing i did stayed in your mind.

I just wondered if you're just trying to play me out.

No matter how much trust i have in you,

you never fail to trigger my conscious.

Can't you see how pathetic i am.

I could have left you long time ago,

looking for someone who will be there,

who won't fail to love me in every minute.

You were there before,

but your heart seems to conquer it all.

And it's definitely not fair.

I wish that we could be back like before.

But you've always been reluctant.

And i'm the only on working my ass off on this

'hanging string' you've always referred to.

You made me sad.

Lots of times.

Yet i'm still here to forgive and forget no matter

how much i knew that it'll happen again,soon.

You've hurt me badly,

but my heart always asked me still remain by your side.

Maybe my heart's the dumb one.

I tried hating you.

But the more i do that,the more i need you.

I wanna eat donuts with you.

I wanna run in the rain with you.

I wanna laugh with you.

I wanna play Daytona with you.

I wanna count stars with you.

I wanna take long bus rides with you.

I wanna get lost with you.

Will it be back?

I always have doubts on this.

Always.

Cos you can't assure me anything.

And i'm here,feeling very restless.

Just one thing,

i'm dead sure that

i still love you.

Am i complaining again?

My heart aches.

to the max.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

** Total Sadness **

10:25 AM

I'm still grieving over it.

Guess i'm not strong at all.

Trying to feel a lil happy though,

but to no avail.

Look after him,God.

I beg you.

If there's one last thing i can do,

I would definitely spend my time with you.

Cos you're the reason i could smile,

And make the moments of my life all worthwhile.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

** Reza-reza=( **

2:54 PM

I didn't know that it was that bad.

He didn't tell me that it was that bad.

Sometimes i wonder why am i here for?

I can't even extend my care for him.

I feel useless.

I feel like a thrash.

I don't need someone to tell me.

I don't like to be the last to know.

I hate this.

Too much.

If i can't even cry for what he's going through right now,

then i think i have yet to play my part in this relationship.

It's just not fair.

I didn't even have the chance to see him.

I would love to make him smile.

At least that.

Reza,

you're the only guy who can make me cry.

nobody else.

be well.

Friday, July 18, 2008

** Thank God **

6:03 AM

Thank GOD!

he's fine after the jab.

maybe he still don't realise how important he is to me.

sometimes i feel sad,but sometimes i think it's just not fair for him.

he deserves the best.

and i should be happy enough that he's still there.

my conclusion,

be patient,

stay happy,

and WAIT?

ya okay i'll wait.

haiz.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

** Sick and Sad **

11:34 AM

I've told ya that staying at home will make me even more sicker.

I woke to bad phlegm in my throat.

Voice was totally horrible.

And i felt weak.

That i don't even feel like getting up from bed.

Fainting on the floor for once is terrible enough.

But thank God,it's nothing serious.

And as usual,

at times when i'm in pain,

there's only one person in my mind.

My mum.

As emotions swells in,i guess she's the only person that i really need,

badly.

I think this is repititive.

To cry out for her when i'm not at the best state.

It will always come back to that moment.

When i had a horribly high fever that reached up to 42degrees.

Was helplessly sleeping all day long.

She was the one who came in with wet towel,

sitting right beside me,assisting me with whatever i need.

Eating was even a bigger problem at that time.

And her patience showed.

And now i missed those times.

Why did she ever have to leave so early?

I'm missing what most people have.

At this point of growing up,

i thought that i could be exchanging experiences with her.

But i don't even get to see her in my dreams.

I've always thought of bringing dad n her to live with me in future.

But it'll always remain a dream.

Love you Mum.

Rest in peace.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

** Mr.President! **

2:34 PM

Morning was brisk,fast,early.

The bus ride was like never-ending.

happy=)??

Class was the usual gila lah.

I know at a point that my coughing was damn bad cos i laughed too much.
Fish,i nearly puke man.

Aniways after sch was crazy.

The smell of the spray.

God i tell you,i nearly die.

Thank God it was fast!

Our banner!

All for you Mr.President

as per normal.

Maode.

as usual,the crazy idiot.

damn i think it looks fantastic!

especially the heart,all from my heart.

ok NOT!

Love you Mr.Nathan =)
Bye.